Why it’s important to focus on your own sensory design needs.

Getting home right for you.

Let’s be honest, unless you have the relative luxury of living on your own - and by that, I mean the ability to simply consider your own needs when designing and decorating your own home that is 100% focused on you – your home will be a mishmash of needs.

Our homes are a sensory battleground that highlight just how unique our sensory processing is, even when you share the same DNA.

The dining table that is a hybrid of the kids’ junk modelling, homework, spilled Coco Pops and your laptop as you try and work from home, juggling children and trying to provide a meal that doesn’t involve a chicken nugget yet will still be eaten by everyone – or at least a generous 75%. The colour clash of hot pink and bright green that has invaded the perfectly curated greige décor you’ve spent the last decade evolving and finally getting Instagram perfect, or at least a photographic corner anyway. Then there’s the sound clashes – the computer games, the tv, the bickering and strops (no matter how old the kids are), the laptop whirring, the fridge humming and the aggressive sounding final spin of the washing machine threatening to take off.

The place that is meant to be our castle and our refuge can, more often than not, devastate our regulation.

What spurs some of us on to a flurry of productivity and dopamine, drains and creates discomfort in others.

What recharges and gives rest to one, creates underwhelm and emotional dysregulation in another.

There are a lot of online memes and sayings about how opposites attract. How there are two types of people – those who like X and those who like Y – and they marry each other.

This is just as true with our sensory habits. Perhaps there is an innate evolutionary drive to seek out someone to share our life with who is more willing and able to do the things that we are not, to balance out our crazy with their calm, or to inject into our avoidance, their pro-action.

As humans we’re driven to find balance. What better way to create balance then by being intimate with someone who balances us out.

Someone who reels us back in where we need reeling in and pushes us forward when we are too afraid to do so ourselves.    

Then there are triggers – some are innate, and some will have developed through experience and hardship. Everyone’s sensory processing abilities and needs are deeply personal and there is no one size fits all approach.

So how do we take these unique needs and blend them together within four walls and multiple loved ones so that they work?

 Firstly, let’s talk about you:

What do you need in your home?

What do you want to see, hear, touch and smell?

If you were to walk into your ideal hotel room or Airbnb stay, what would it be like?

Would there be a fluffy dressing gown and slippers ready for you? A firm or hybrid memory foam mattress? Pillows – everyone has their own preference, and a disappointing pillow at the end of the day is not ideal. Think about your ideal and work out what it is about it that you are drawn to and why. Then think about how or what you can do at home to recreate these things.

For those who focus first on visuals, your home may look the part, but does it feel the part, smell the part and give you genuine internal comfort and not just visual pleasure. Think about all those things that Instagram and Pinterest cannot capture in a photo or reel. Can you move in the way you need; can you rest and relax in the way you need, or have you fallen victim to a trend or fashion that allows you to feel you have the perfect visual, but yet you don’t find yourself fully relaxed and happy with it?

So often, we want what we see others have – or tell us what we should have – but is it really right for us? Trends come and go, and it can feel that we need to keep up, to catch up and to show up. To do what everyone else is doing for the algorithm, the likes and the followers. But these internet strangers don’t live within our four walls physically – only mentally if you let them.

If being on trend is important to your aesthetic and way of life, then download the “Trends 2025” digital download. I have put together a selection of Interior Design trends that are going to be big in 2025 (and am already seeing on the main high street shops). The difference is, that these trends are looked at from the angle of how they specifically can affect sensory processing. This allows you to really think about whether the trend is right for you and your family’s sensory needs before you throw yourself in, spend money and feel disappointed.

When you have kids – of any age - in the house, having those touches that are pure luxury for you in your current season is so important. Whether you co-sleep with 4 or 5 of you in one king size bed and feel your room is simply not your own anymore, or they come in and jump all over the freshly made bed in the morning after you spent 10 minutes karate chopping the accent cushions in their perfect place sparking cries of frustration. If one teenager has taken over the main bathroom and another seemingly lives on the sofa, let’s get you some luxury for you that they cannot claim as theirs. From the colour of the walls, the quality of bedlinen and the texture of the flooring through to the fixtures and fittings of light shades, curtains and the easily forgotten switches and cupboard handles. Get these items as you love them, and anything the kids mess up can just be picked back up again or straightened out with less interference to your own regulation. As part of my services, this is something I go through in detail with you as a client. We’ll dream big and work backwards to get this within your budget. Why not look at some of my offerings on my website  

The disconnect then comes for those who rent. Being unable to change so many of the design features and decoration styles creates limits on what can be physically done. You can’t change the colour of the walls or change the flooring, but you can cover ugly carpet or laminate with oversize rugs that create the tactile feedback your feet are longing for. You can buy the bed with the beautiful fabric headboard that you will love for years to come because it will come with you when you move, and you can buy fabulously trendy stick-on tiles that actually remove quickly and easily come move out time without any tell-tell signs they were there.

I know this because I am also in the position of renting. Being an Army family, we live in Service Families Accommodation (SFA), which is, on the whole, magnolia, brown and humid. Our living quarters resemble a pot of hummus and the chill coming in from the windows makes it feel like an open fridge. But the furniture, lampshades, rugs and textiles are ones that meet our sensory needs and help us feel most at home.

For those who also are in the rented accommodation bracket, whether temporarily or long-term, take a look at the digital download available here – and from the store page of the website.  

Whilst acknowledging the difficulties and limitations of rented accommodation, it troubleshoots these with sensory affirming tips, suggestions and ideas to get your rented space to feel entirely like home.   

 Secondly, let’s look at the sensory needs of those you live with.

As a parent, we so often put our own needs at the bottom of the pile in order to focus on giving the kids what they need (and quite often, simply what they want).

Home becomes overrun with their toys, their noise and their trail of snacks.

Have you actually ever stopped to think about what sensory habits and needs your partner and kids have? What fabrics and smells are they drawn to - or equally as important - what are they complaining about and reacting to? Does one family member need music and a flurry of audio activity in the background and another need quiet?

In shared bedrooms are there points of friction between lighting preferences or whether the door is wide open or fully shut? I have one child who keeps all the doors as wide open as possible, and another who goes around shutting them a few moments later which always leads to an outburst of frustration. In the same vein, these same kids have different preferences when it comes to overhead lighting. One turns the colourful LED strip lights on, living in a perma-disco; the other is frustrated by decorative and accent lighting and only wants the overhead (ambient) light on. As much as they love each other, I know that they would not be able to share a bedroom. Their sensory processing habits are simply too different.

The importance of creating a home that meets your own sensory needs, and not just of those you live with was made apparent once again for us only recently. We went bowling for one of the kid’s birthdays as their family treat. If you’ve read my earlier blogs, you’ll know how I personally handle bowling trips and how I feel about them. This time, there was the inevitable meltdown from sensory overload – but it wasn’t mine.  It was loud, hot, dirty and sticky. This was our first time in a new bowling arcade since relocating and it did not live up to the expectations. Disappointment from the limited arcade area, sensory overwhelm from the noise of crashing pins, loud music, sticky seats and the emotional discomfort from cramped bowling lanes that had been squeezed into too small a space was evident. Add to that the rush of the car parking ticket having a 2-hour time limit and we crashed and burned. Home was all that was wanted – the quiet, the sensory comforts of regulating materials and the right lighting. However, and that’s a big however, first we had to push through the meltdown and all that comes with it. Sibling’s getting hit and spat at – spitting, as well as biting I have come to learn, is a key indicator of sensory overwhelm – with the shouting and floor rolling of anxiety that comes out as aggression. Thankfully, both of us parents were present which enabled us to tag team whilst waiting for the storm to pass over. We passed through that storm, but there will be others. Having dealt with these types of situations a multitude of times on my own with a husband deployed and out the country, the importance of home meeting everyone’s needs is crucial.  

It is from experiences such as these – and there have been many – I have written a digital download that focuses on the siblings of neurodivergent children.

This download has been written from a perspective of experience as well as compassion, grace and a tenacity to try and find ways to make these situations that engulf us and our children that little bit easier to bear.

You can download your copy here and from the store section of the website.

It is also from this experience that I feel the need to discuss and be open about the complex mental health struggles that can so easily come from living in such environments, and the effects this then has on one’s sensory processing is also needed. Overwhelm from unexpected shouts, touch, noise and visual clutter can be reached in seconds, or simply from one wrong noise when you live with permanent hyperarousal. Home should be where you feel safe and rejuvenated from the outside world – especially for the introverted ones of us who need quiet and space and alone time to recharge. But so often, living in emotionally charged homes, where metaphorical eggshells carpet the floor, this is not always an option. By creating spaces, nooks and using the right materials, we can create spaces that regulate and ground us during these storms.

Then there are the homes where a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and PTSD - complex or otherwise has turned sensory processing abilities on its head. The sensory side effects of a TBI and PTSD have broken in, disrupted routines and family rituals by stealing your energy, your time and shattered any sense of peace. Noises irritate, the wrong light blinds and the constant fatigue is always threatening to stop you in your tracks.

So where do you start?

Start small. These small items can have a positively disproportionate effect on regulation, such as pillows, cushions and blankets. They are small but mighty. Then think about surfaces you touch multiple times a day, such as door handles, cupboard handles, the computer mouse and keyboard. A lot of the time, these are things we don’t really think about or notice unless they are really bad and make us squirm, or on the flip side, really good and make us go “Oooohhhhh”. These types of updates can be done slowly and as budget allows but are tangibly noticeable which is what is so great about them.

As a parent – especially if you are Mum - you need to show up to every meltdown, every sensory overload and work through every behaviour that your child has. No matter if they’re 3, 13 or 23. The need for YOU to be regulated during these storms is so important but something that at many times, is just simply not possible. Either because there is no one to tag-team with and you are handling the situation alone, the behaviour overloaded your own sensory processing abilities, or something was done or said that was triggering. Because of this, go through the house and make sure that there is something that helps you regulate in every single room and hallway. When you have to spend what can feel like an eternity in an emotionally charged situation as a parent, what are you touching, smelling, looking at to regulate?

And afterwards, when things have calmed down. Where do you go to get grounding? What is it YOU NEED to get back to equilibrium? If it’s a strong cup of caffeine, let’s make the tea and coffee area inviting and soothing. If it’s a sofa corner with a book, then let’s make that the snuggest and cosiest place you can find with the right lighting that grounds and centres. If it’s a hot shower or long soak, let’s make it the best spa-like experience it can be, with the softest towels, the uplifting scents as well as the best visual design.

You can’t pour from an empty cup as the saying goes, but you can create metaphorical water butts in your home to refill from as life flows around you in all its chaos.

Wanting to start trying this for yourself? Download the digital download on the FREE 31-day checklist.

This complementary digital download takes small changes, one for every day, to think about and enable you to make your home one that meets your needs.

Welcome to the home you need.

Love, Charly.