Transitions - seasons, routines, habits and our home’s interiors.
How to adapt our homes when it feels like all the changes overwhelmingly come at once.
As I start this blog, the summer term has just begun. Two weeks of Easter leave for everyone in the house is now over, that first school run has been completed and back to usual routines has now commenced. Until the next Bank Holiday that is.
I’ve found there are two camps of parents at the gates when term starts again: “Team Term-Time” and “Team Holidays”.
We are firmly concluding that, for now, we are team term-time.
The loss of the stable primary school structure and safety of familiar daily routines are thrown into chaos during the school break. The excitement of long expected guests visiting, trips out – no matter how exciting, travel plans, car journeys of varying lengths and the overwhelming number of options of what we could do all create low-level anxiety that comes out in changes to behaviour and a lower ability to control emotions.
Even though every school holiday I have learned to expect it, it still throws me off balance. The volcanic emotional eruption and the flash flood of tears from the individual nature of our different family members flow from the smallest of triggers. I personally find that I can hold on for the best part of a week of holiday mode before I need to escape human contact and send everyone out on a day trip without me. It really goes to show how the same nervous system that commands the flight or fight response reacts uniquely and individually to stimuli and how a blanket, one-size-fits-all approach to sensory processing needs isn’t going to cut it.
Yet in the queue for school, I hear the opposite. Parents already stressed because school has restarted, which means school nerves and the behavioural struggles are about to commence, all whilst saying “we had such a good couple of weeks when they were off….”
Having spoken to other parents of older SEN children, I’m now becoming very aware of how stable primary school routines are in comparison to secondary school ones. The mental process of moving classroom every hour to a different location with a different mix of pupils, a different teacher, remembering the different books and equipment required for the next lesson and not just the immediate one. Throw on top of these the varying noise level differences that each subject brings and it suddenly feels a lot. Then compound this with the added rush and pressure of getting to these different classrooms on time and it becomes easily apparent why so many children who struggle with transitions really struggle when they start in year 7 in ways that they were not evident in primary school.
As adults the transitions we experience daily vary greatly. Moving from home to work, even if we work from home, to finishing the working day (or not finishing for those of us who work past 3pm) and the family arriving home with all their noise, mess and snacks comes another bucket of transitions we have to process.
Changes in the noise levels, footfall, sudden demands and constant chatter fill the void of silence that home held before the school bell rang and the cat was calmly curled up asleep on your lap in blissful peace.
For many of us, we go through these transitions without much notice. For those with sensory processing struggles or neurodivergences, even the seemingly smaller transitions, such as relocating from the working desk to going on lunch break, or from leaving a meeting to the pummel of tasks it then creates can be hard to navigate. These transitional changes build and compound, putting pressure on the nervous system that either can lead to a state of decision paralysis or verbal outburst.
Being aware of the volume and magnitude of transitions that we all go through on a daily basis highlights the importance of home being sensory stable.
Home should smell like home, it should look like home, sound like home and feel like home; physically and emotionally.
When those with extra sensory processing needs come home from school or work, home shouldn’t throw a curveball by suddenly smelling different or looking different. As much as I love a furniture rearrange to freshen up a room, or simply to start a new chapter, if you live with any loved ones who struggle with change; be that sensory or physical change, do not attempt this when they are not present or at least been forewarned and had a sense of say in the matter.
We had a particularly busy two-week break over Easter. There was a lot of time spent in the car traveling around the country. A lot of that time in the car was spent in a semi-permanent state of fear over which child would get travel sick first and set off the rest.
The photos we now look back on show happy faces, amazing weather and solid, much needed family time. Nevertheless, the reality of these transitions from school to holidays and back to school again was one that only parents of neurodivergent children will truly understand.
Moreover, at this time of year the transitions are not just ones that relate to our physical movements and diary planning, but our homes as well. Seasonal adjustments can take time to adapt to. This year, the unexpected (but marvellous) heatwave at the end of March into April took a lot of us by surprise; both in a positive way as well as finding it an unexpected sensory stress. With such a swing in temperature comes the need to adjust our bedding and sofa blankets to light layers to be able to cope with the increased heat.
As much as we rejoiced in the bonus heatwave, when it does this so early on in the spring, our wardrobes and storage spaces are simply not ready to accommodate the rush to find the summer clothes buried deep in the back of a cupboard or attic. We do this with gusto, all whilst knowing that most of us simply do not have the luxury of physical space for both summer clothing and our multitude of winter coats, puddle suits, rain jackets and all the layers that this time of year demands.
We live in our homes with the mental expectation of the huge American houses that we see on Instagram and Pinterest, whose cupboards even have cupboards. Yet our lived experience within our own homes falls far short of that. Feet and inches short.
As this is the UK and not Costa Del Sol, we know that the temperature will keep on fluctuating and we’ll have to keep on adjusting. As much as we love to think “Here it is! Summer is here and it’s here to stay” with visions of BBQ’s and water fights in the garden stretching out until the end of September, we will fluctuate emotionally alongside the temperature and that will happen more times than we are mentally prepared to admit. We hope that maybe, just maybe, this year will be the one that the sun stays out for six months and gives us some temperature stability.
So, how do we tackle the seasonal transition from cool to warm to unbearably hot in our homes – especially considering how inadequate our homes are to cope in the height of summer with no air con? Whilst being mentally and practically prepared for those days and spells of unseasonable cool weather after ones that were roasting.
How do we tackle the desire to lighten up, freshen up and make our homes breathable and liveable in the heat without making it feel like a brand-new house as we flit from hibernating winter hygge to beach break aesthetic in an enthusiastic manner?
Transitioning our homes to the summer season is about adding in lightness, breathability and freshness, so here are 6 tips to help.
Extra thin duvet with layers.
Sleeping in the heat is an uncomfortable experience. Even more so if you or a loved one finds that being hot leads to an emotional sensory meltdown. Overheating spills into overwhelm, and being cross at night is not good for anyone’s sleep.
By investing in A 1-tog duvet that can go inside your pre-existing duvet covers without the expense of proper quilts (which can easily range between £100-£400 depending on quality and finish) can help. This is especially helpful for those of us who will snuggle under layers no matter what the weather due to the proprioceptive feedback that they give. These very thin duvets can be teamed with a flat sheet which can give another even thinner layer and proprioceptive input.
But for those who share a bed with different bedding requirements, think about opting for two single duvets on a double/king size bed that meet an individual preference. Placed in two single versions of the same duvet covers will still create a cohesive visual look, but give a much more uniquely needed experience. This habit can also be easily taken into the winter and cooler months when one loves 15 tog, thick and heavy bedding and the other needs a lighter, cooler tog, even in midwinter.
2. Breathable materials
This is key. If there is one change that will make the biggest difference to how you feel at night and around the house in the summer, it’s the materials you use.
Natural materials; notably cotton and linen, will allow your skin to breath as you sleep. The difference in price is also there for a reason due to the quality of the fibres, but you can get a cotton/linen mix to meet all budgets. But, please, ditch the polyester. Even those 50/50 polycotton blends as you will overheat.
Whilst you’re at it, check your kid’s bedding. A lot of kid’s bedding, especially duvet covers and pillowcases are polyester. This also applies to blankets – put away the teddy fleece and faux fur for the autumn and let your child’s skin breathe.
3 . Summer colour scheme
Interior design rules state that when it comes to the colour palette of your home to use the following ratios:
60% Primary colour -this is usually the walls;
30% secondary colour -usually the upholstery, sofa, headboards, carpets,
and 10% accent colour – cushions, throws, picture frames, light shades.
Wherever you fall on the pale/bright/dark colour schemes, try to have an accent or secondary colour within the upholstery and soft furnishings that can be readily switched to a lighter shade in a more breathable material that still blends beautifully with the main, primary colour. Think about updating any fabric table lampshades, bath and hand towels, table covers, sofa blankets and throw cushion covers. I love using Jute and Hessian as these materials translate so well from both summer months to the deepest winter. Dark blues and Winter spruce greens can be replaced with a duck egg shade or a soft sage hue. Whilst there are many factors that go into the choice of wall colour besides preference - notably, its orientation and amount of natural light - overall, by keeping walls neutral the ability to switch up fabrics and soft furnishings by season becomes much easier.
But what about those who love the dark and moody, cosy, colour drenched spaces that ground and feel like a place of hibernation that are perfect for the colder months? How do these rooms go from the season they’re designed for to a totally different season and temperature without losing their draw? Well, I think this goes back to the sensory appeal. For those who love and crave darker, cosier, almost cave like rooms, rooms that cocoon and feel closed and tight for comfort that are naturally more attuned to the autumn/winter, don’t fight it. Don’t force these rooms to be something they’re not. The fire may not be lit, and the heavy throws may not be used, but their ambiance can still be appreciated in the warm weather. If you’ve got such a room in your own home, the chances are you’ll have also opted for thick, heavy curtains, which soak up the summer heat from outside. These rooms may be the coolest place in the house which will be welcome. However, if your set on trying to brighten up a dark room then opt for changing the lighting to more white light that mimics daylight than calming and softer yellow. Update the cushions, throws or even the area rug with floral patterns, stripes or summery gingham. And invest in large and oversized mirrors, even placed on the floor, propped up against the wall to bounce the little light you have around the room.
4 Wise choice of Fans
Every year, as soon as a heatwave hits, we go out en-masse desperately buying any available fans that are within budget to cool us down.
But there are other things to think about when choosing fans and that are the noise levels (decibels or db.) and safety requirements with little fingers, paws and hair locks all being prime victims of a fast spinning traditional fan.
In thinking about auditory processing, when your family is trying to sleep, who gets annoyed and wakes up at the slightest noise and who gets sent off to a deep slumber through repetitive white noise? It’s important therefore to have different fans for different rooms depending on auditory sleeping preferences. Think about the decibels that they emit (db.). Less than 40db. is considered silent and some come even as low as 25db. which is extra silent – for reference, a quiet library is considered 30db and standard conversation is 60db. (But that really depends on who you’re talking to as most people will be a lot louder!)
The Quiet mark website is a really useful website when it comes to considering quieter appliances, and for any auditory sensory needs, I highly recommend having a look at it.
5. Switch out heavy scents
Switch out the heavy scents you have around the house to lighter and fresher ones–and don’t forget to include the hand washes and hand creams in all bathrooms. To be cohesive, have the same ones at every sink for a visual as well as an olfactory (smell) sensory experience. I love heavy, woody fragrances in the winter, but fresh and light fragrances when the weather brightens. Sea salt is my favourite home scent between April - September. Be that found in the multitudes of hand soap, wax melts, diffusers and even dish soap and laundry detergent. By having two favourite fragrances that are dominant in the spring/summer and the other in the winter you can instantly transform your home to the season you’re in.
You don’t have to stick to the same brand either, but so stick to the same base notes. For example, Jo Malone and The White Company’s best sellers are found as dupes and competitors in Aldi, Lidl and even M&S. I’ve written a FREE digital download on dupes and what to consider from a sensory perspective that you can find here. And above all, bring inside flowers that either match the colour scheme of your home or the scent. Whether from the garden or picked up during the weekly shop, flowers always make a room feel brighter and sunnier.
6. Change the curtains.
By opting to use lightweight linen, voile or muslin curtains in the summer, you get the benefits of their lightness as well privacy depending on their lining backing. A well fitted tension rod within the window frame will hold these if you don’t want to fully replace the regular curtains. These lightweight layers add a softness whilst giving a degree of privacy and levels of light.
We’re not thinking granny net curtains here either. These are voile, linen, lightweight curtains that pool the floor like a bridal train and come in a variety of colours and patterns. They take some of the strength out of the sun’s glare – especially in South and West facing rooms. These ethereal materials can also be kept throughout the year as layering material.
This is perfect for those who love layers – and I include myself in this. I still can not bear to part with my mid-2000’s long cami-vests like I walked off Laguna Beach in 2004. Used as an accompaniment to the main curtains, they add colour, texture and balance. There are some great options in Dunelm currently. Different shades of green, and even the highly favoured green eucalyptus stems pattern. Gorgeous meadow patterns, birds and my current favourite – white with pompom edging.
Whilst usually these come in slot top that can be threaded through a pole or tension rod, there are also eyelet ones as well as pencil pleat and tab top available which can then mean they can take place of winter curtains in their entirety if you so wish.
As I finish this blog, the May half term is almost upon us, and I’m preparing to go back into a week of emotional transitions and then do this all over again at the start of June. The extra-large paddling pool has come come out and the house will be full of wet grass cuttings stuck to little feet with damp towels dropped unceremoniously across the floor in the kitchen. Unless, of course, we hit another transition, and it starts raining!